OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
