We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
