i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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