Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
