The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
