i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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