Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
