He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
