Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
