I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
