I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
