Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
