i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
