I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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