I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
