Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
