Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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