dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
