drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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