Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
