its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
