My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
