I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
