I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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