my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
