is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
