woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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