Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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