I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
