conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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