some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
