I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
