We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
