I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
