4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
