you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
