I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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