I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
