I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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