people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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