6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
