just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
