By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
