I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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