do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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