That's intense
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
