come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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