actually, I'm a sock model
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
