Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
