she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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