I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
