i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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