im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
