You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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