who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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